This Blog and 2 Timothy…

18 Aug

See the thing is that I am not emergent and as such that means I feel bound to treat the writing of Paul as the Inspired, Inerrant (not inherent, I see you there McClaren) word of God…But I was reading in 2 Timothy today and what I read made me wish I was one of those red letter guys who think Paul was just a tad anti-semitic (hey Mars Hill GR Torah Group)…because If I were I would have no guilt but unfortunately I am not and I tend to think that every page of scripture and every word is from Jesus so it kind of throws a wrench in this blog…You see I read this:

2 Timothy 2:25 Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26 and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.

And frankly I have not always done that… leaving open the possibility that some of you will stay bound in the devil’s cage and so without further ado, I would like to apologize to the following and offer some conciliatory statements to the following:

  • Brian McClaren (you seem like a nice guy)
  • Doug Paggit (you are always funny)
  • Tony Jones (you have a very supportive wife)
  • John Elderidge (please don’t shoot me…)
  • James Dobson (You are the King of all media)
  • John Elderidge’s Dog (I am sure you were a good pet)
  • The Hawk who speaks as the Holy Spirit to John Elderidge (Ummm Hawks are as cool as doves)
  • The GARBC (if you take off the “C” and add an “ige” your name is fun to say)
  • That Church in Nashville with the Hula Hoops (I am sure that if I came to your church I would laugh and laugh and laugh…that is good right?)
  • Cara (I totally should not have called you “Some Chick from Berkley”)
  • Benny Hinn (I am sure your followers are smarter than NASCAR fans like I insinuated)
  • NASCAR Fans (You guys have the best collection of commemorative KFC Nascar chicken buckets I have ever seen)
  • China (way to not publicly execute anyone for their faith so far at the Olympics)
  • Brother Frank (your emails changed my life)
  • Ken Silva (you are the Rick Warren of the Internet man…keep up the good work)
  • Hyper-Dispensationist (You guys know how to divide things so well that if I ever need a cow butched or anything I will call you first!)
  • Jennifer Grandholm’s Mole (At least you are not riding around on Kwame Kilpatricks face)
  • Casper and Jim (you guys can keep the money)
  • John Hagee (ummm you are not near as crazy as some people on your channel…)
  • Sanjaya (good luck finding a new life partner)
  • Tim Layhaye (I liked that sex book you and your wife wrote)
  • Rob Bell (congratulations on only having to work less than half the year)
  • That angry girl with a crush on Rob Bell (don’t worry it is totally a metro-sexual age…there are other sensitive guys with frosted hair and bad theology out there)
  • That angry guy with a crush on Rob Bell (see above)
  • California Home School Parents (those ill-fittingly short pants your kids wear make perfect sense in your Climate)
  • Chizuck Schizwanson at Capstone University (Dude you totally rock those turtle necks)
  • Ed Dobson (You might be right maybe a beard is a sign that you are following the Jesus “Lifestyle”….I just hope that my wife does not have to grow one)
  • Natalie V. (What can I say you made a good choice of a husband)

Additions: 

  • Steve Camp (Though I call you names I must confess,  I am no stranger to your angriness)

Ummm I think that is it, I was going to apologise to Daryl Underwood, but like God I changed my mind…If you can think of anyone else I may have calously disregarded please add then in the comments and I will edit the post.

D

30 Responses to “This Blog and 2 Timothy…”

  1. mikevandrie August 20, 2008 at 1:24 am #

    Hey D that is the funniest post yet that I have read of yours.

  2. Ray August 20, 2008 at 6:13 pm #

    Agreed! Clever and hilarious! What do you think Seth?

  3. poopemerges August 20, 2008 at 6:46 pm #

    Oh Seth loves it… especially the GARB one … though if he laughs he will be kicked out of his church…

  4. Seth "hater" McBee August 20, 2008 at 9:33 pm #

    David…I think this post is a terrible waste of time and one that I would not condone.

    I think that these apologies are not heartfelt and really make me question if you are truly saved.

    Ray.

    Same for you. Just by you asking me what I think makes me understand that you have the spirit of the antichrist.

    take a breath…kidding of course…

  5. poopemerges August 20, 2008 at 9:48 pm #

    Seth…dude you are so insane! lol.

  6. Ray August 21, 2008 at 8:33 am #

    Seth,

    I don’t care what John Greening says, I think you’re OK.

  7. Heather Fischer August 21, 2008 at 11:59 am #

    Oh man, Steve Camp didn’t make the list?

  8. Heather Fischer August 21, 2008 at 12:03 pm #

    BTW, I love the Rob Bell one. I’m sure it’s not easy looking fabulous all the time in the black outfit with a white belt, the guy needs a respite from time to time.

  9. Seth McBee August 21, 2008 at 12:15 pm #

    Ray…

    the jerk store called and their running out of YOU!

  10. Laz August 21, 2008 at 1:45 pm #

    Frosted hair and bad theology? Too much…

    BTW, you left out emo glasses

  11. Ray August 21, 2008 at 2:15 pm #

    Seth,

    I changed my mind. I agree with John.

  12. poopemerges August 21, 2008 at 4:10 pm #

    Laz, since i had to get eye wear I never talk trash involving emo glasses…

    Seth and Ray: Who is John Greening?

    D

  13. Seth "hater" McBee August 21, 2008 at 4:50 pm #

    I have no clue who John Greening is I just wanted to use “jerk store:” on Ray…thought it was funny
    :)

  14. Laz August 21, 2008 at 4:52 pm #

    Well I’m myopic (literally for sure, figuratively perhaps) but I’ll gargle glass shards before frosting my lettuce.

    I mentioned the emo glasses because the combo with the hair and the theology makes the man.

  15. poopemerges August 21, 2008 at 5:32 pm #

    Seth: Ut oh I googled it and you are in big trouble…J.G. is the GARBC national rep. they are so kicking you out of your church.

    Laz: You are right…I should have mentioned the glasses, when you think about it the look is really more substantive than the theology (is humanism a theology?)…

  16. Joel Shaffer August 21, 2008 at 6:22 pm #

    Seth and D,

    You didn’t know who John Greening is? With such blasphemy coming out of this blog site, I have decided to separate from the poop is emergent blog!!!!

  17. poopemerges August 21, 2008 at 7:45 pm #

    I have not been garbc for well over a decade…Seth on the other hand!

    D

  18. Joel Shaffer August 21, 2008 at 7:59 pm #

    My separation with you D is 2nd degree because you know Seth!!!!

  19. Joel Shaffer August 21, 2008 at 8:20 pm #

    D,

    Plus you committed apostasy when you left the GARBC some ten years ago. You can’t trust those former Swede Baptists…..

  20. Surged August 21, 2008 at 9:46 pm #

    D can’t mock the glasses, he owns a pair just like em.

  21. poopemerges August 21, 2008 at 10:14 pm #

    Well Joel as every good GARBER knows the S in the B.A.P.T.I.S.T. acrostic does stand for separation just as our Lord Hath Reveled to Thou…

  22. Seth "He Hate Me" McBee August 22, 2008 at 1:00 am #

    I hate you all

  23. poopemerges August 22, 2008 at 9:08 am #

    Well there you go Seth, now you are sounding GARBC…but I think the official way to say that is the you hate us because we are evil and you are spiritually superior to us…

  24. Seth "He Hate Me" McBee August 22, 2008 at 11:24 am #

    I thought that was obvious so I didn’t mention it

  25. poopemerges August 22, 2008 at 11:32 am #

    Well clearly…

  26. Cara August 23, 2008 at 10:45 am #

    Thanks, David:) You actually called me “some girl from Berkeley.” If you had used the word “chick” I would have reamed you out even more for it:)

  27. poopemerges August 23, 2008 at 11:25 am #

    Cara: You are right that might have been worse…As a side note though once we took our family to this farm in New Hampshire where they had baby chicks that they encouraged you to pick up…it was awesome!

  28. I'm swimming in stupid on this blog November 3, 2012 at 8:51 pm #

    You have proven that the internet lets any run of the mill moron have a blog.

    • pdavidy8 November 3, 2012 at 9:11 pm #

      Bunches of them really years ago…but way to keep up to date.

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