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Oh No…

5 Feb

Benny Hinn:

“If you have attacked me, your children will pay for it.”

“I want to use a Holy Ghost machine gun to kill Heresy Hunters.”

Now I wish I hadn’t posted that below…I am so afraid, I am shaking. Woe is me.

Aside: I will point out here for those of you who actually like Benny Hinn, because I suspect based upon the fact that you like him that you are not what people would traditionally call “Not Dumb” or “Not Stupid” or “Not Illiterate Bumpkins” you might assume I am serious..that I am being highly sarcastic, Benny can bite me :) but I mean that in a nice way. (As if a Benny Hinn fan could even read this…)

Benny Hinn: Crackhead of Destiny

5 Feb

Benny Hinn cracks me up…in a strange sort of way…here is a fun exchange from TBN with fellow psychopath Paul Crouch:

Benny Hinn: But here’s first what I see for TBN. You’re going to have people raised from the dead watching this network. You’re going to have people raised from the dead watching TBN. Programs – just plain programs – programs that haven’t done much when it comes to supernatural manifestations – teaching programs. It’s not going to be a Benny Hinn saying “Stretch your hands.” It’s going to be your average teaching program, your normal Christian program that’s blessing the church. There’s going to be such power on these programs people will be raised from the dead worldwide. I’m telling you, I see this in the Spirit. It’s going to be so awesome – Jesus I give you praise for this – that people around the world – maybe not so much in America – people around the world who will lose loved ones, will say to undertakers “Not yet. I want to take my dead loved one and place him in front of that TV set for 24 hours.”

Paul Crouch: Benny Hinn! Jesus!

Benny Hinn: I’m telling you. People will be – people – I’m telling you, I feel the anointing talking here. People are going to be canceling funeral services and bringing their dead in their caskets, placing them – my God! I feel the anointing here – placing them before a television set, waiting for God’s power to come through and touch them. And it’s going to happen time and time – so much it’s going to spread. You’re going to hear it from Kenya to Mexico to Europe to South America, where people will be raised from the – so much so that the word will spread that if some dead person be put in front of this TV screen, they will be raised from the dead and they will be by the thousands. You wait. Now the Lord just told me - and I don’t know whether this is true or not - as I’m saying this, the Lord said He gave you that word many, many years ago.

My favorite part is the part I put in bold..where he says he is talking to Jesus, but he is not sure if it is true or not. As if Jesus has a credibility problem. (Come on Jesus,  don’t lie to me…) Oh Benny, you are funny, but you should live it up now, cause as I understand it hell is hot.

D

The Real Question is…

12 Jul

Why don’t I make fun of Benny Hinn more? For one he is a fruit cake and for two unlike some of the other folks I “tease” he does not have any followers smart enough to access the internet, or read (especially the Bible it seems) or stuff. It is like making fun of the Amish on TV, you can do it with impunity, the aren’t going to see it anyway. I am just saying: am I the only one who believes that Benny Hinn crusades and NASCAR races should be combined? Think about it, it would be a safe night for normalcy and people sporting full sets of teeth out on out street.

For your pleasure a post from Layguy on Benny Hinn’s wife and the “Holy Ghost Enema” (and you thought the name of this site was bad!)

I leave you now with the word I am going to use constantly if I ever develop the gift of tongues: Oblichee.  Benny care to interpret?

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