Stay at Home Dad’s

6 Oct

Driscoll on stay at home dads…and for the record I agree,  but the spirit of the thing strikes me as a little legalistic in it’s application.   I am glad that Mark’s wife never has to work again,  and I wish that for every wife.  I certainly think many  wives are forced to work because of poor financial decisions.  But let me also say this as an urban minister: if my wife was not a well educated woman who was able to get a high paying, kid friendly part time job,  we would be in trouble.  I don’t think Mark is fully acknowledging that not every neighborhood is Seattle and not every church is 6000. I know he started small but the truth is Ballard ain’t the ghetto  (which I say with love).  Sometimes it takes a whole family to be committed to mission…

So to recap:  I am a big no on stay at home dads,  but also realize that sometimes a wife will have to work a bit,  if we are to minister in places no one else wants to…and I still love Driscoll (so you anti-Driscoll whinners don’t even comment 🙂

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9 Responses to “Stay at Home Dad’s”

  1. Sean October 6, 2008 at 3:29 pm #

    I am usually a big fan of Mark Driscoll but I think he has imported American modernism into the Bible. This idea that a man’s place is at work and a woman’s place is with the kids is not Biblical. The man is responsible for BOTH and the woman is to help him fulfill these responsibilities. The Proverbs 31 woman is industrious and hard working. Husband and Wife need to fulfill their joint responsibilities together in the wisest way possible.

    Prior to the industrial revolution, men worked in or near the home. The business of the father was something the whole family participated in. When men left the home to work in factories, we lost true male leadership in the home. This created a vacuume which led to the artificial male/female divide between work and home.

    As a man I take my responsibility to provide for my family seriously. I also know that I am primarily responsible for raising our son. I bear the guilt if our family suffers or if our son is not raised in the fear of the Lord. However, my wife and I work together to accomplish both these responsibilities.

    I think it is a shame to say that if a Dad stayed home with the kids they would be worse off. There are times where this may be the wisest option for the family.

    Driscoll is teaching modernism (not the Biblical Christianity he claims). He is right to criticize the postmodern view but he needs to re-evalute his own view as well.

  2. poopemerges October 6, 2008 at 3:46 pm #

    Sean: I totally agree…one of the best things we have going is the fact that I can work from home. So one the majority of days our kids have both of us. I know from listening that Driscoll has said that this is one of the things he loves about his job as well! So I think that he may have overstated his case.

    But I still think that a husband needs to provide for his wife…so I am really iffy on the dude that is not even looking for a job while his wife does the 9 to 5 as I suspect that will give boy’s especially a warped view of manhood and cause resentment. Men are designed for their work going back to Adam, and for the most part when men come to me for counseling on things like depression, addiction and the like there is usually a corollary work issue…i.e. a not working man is a depressed man.

    D

  3. LayGuy October 6, 2008 at 5:18 pm #

    Well said Poop and great comments.

  4. Seth McBee October 6, 2008 at 5:53 pm #

    I fully believe that the Bible is pretty clear that the husband is to be working…I could go over verse after verse if any need me to…

    As far as the woman working. Proverbs 31 is a perfect example that if she does in fact work, that she is still supposed to have the husband, family and home as her primary responsibility.

    I know we can always come up with, “well, what about this, or that…” comments. I understand that if he loses his job, is handicapped, etc. then it is okay…but primarily, again like the book of Proverbs deals with through all its teachings…primarily, or most of the time, the Bbile is clear…Man work, wife homeword.

    By the way..notice where the man is in Proverbs 31…he is at the city gate…he is showing authority and leadership by working in the most influential part of the city.

    So, I would disagree with some of what Driscoll states, and would also disagree with what Sean states as well.

    There is a middle ground, but the man’s responsibility is to provide for his family through working, and the wife is primarliy the homemaker.

    Again…I just stated some things without verses…so ask if need be…but this is not a light subject, nor one that we need to be flippant with…

    Good thoughts Dave.

  5. Jason Black October 7, 2008 at 7:14 am #

    If fathers staying at home was one of those black and white issues, then it would ALWAYS be sinful. Fathers are sometimes forced to stay at home due to physical ailments or past sins (felons may have a difficult time providing for their families, etc), so it’s fairly obvious that it is not black and white.

    God’s gift of Eve to Adam as a helper was a blessing, but turning issues intended to be blessings into black and white issues is legalism.

    I think Mark mostly derives his view from 1 Timothy 5:8, but it’s misleading to argue against that (and I do disagree that the passage agrees with Mark) without knowing for sure.

  6. Seth McBee October 7, 2008 at 1:35 pm #

    Jason…terrible argument…unless you think divorce is always wrong, or always okay.

    Divorce is wrong, but God gives exceptions…so your logic runs dry on this point.

  7. amybaker October 7, 2008 at 11:11 pm #

    My husband, oddly enough, I think put the headship/provider thing very well in a sermon…. He said that for some families, the wife is the one who may be smarter or better able to “lead” family devo’s for instance.
    He would argue that if Mom can lead the devo’s more effectively, she should, but that it is Dad’s responsibility to make sure it happens. That is a subtle difference, but very key, especially when you are talking about gift mixes. (thank you matt chandler)
    The same could be true for finances, you can make decisions jointly and in partnership, but if mom is the math whiz and dad is not, why give him charge of numbers?
    There are principle’s, but also exceptions. Our family fits into this for sure! There is no way that we could do the ministry God has called our family to without my part-time work. God has provided me with a great part-time job, and a personality that can multi-task my home and career, so that we can remain in a church situation that would not “make sense” by the world’s standards. Let’s just say, the population we serve makes us “downwardly mobile.”
    I too, heard Driscoll’s comments on this, and I was very annoyed by it, b/c there is no one size fits all solution in today’s society or economy.

  8. Cara October 8, 2008 at 3:00 am #

    I have a 2 month old daughter and am now a stay at home mom, which is all I have ever honestly wanted to do, and I am SO grateful that my husband is committed to my being at home too.
    I’m not against stay at home dads though — I know some families where the moms honestly prefer to work outside the home and have their husbands at home. In some instances, they have a college education and can make more money, and in some instances they just enjoy their career and their husband desires to be at home with the kids.
    I don’t think that when Scripture talks about the husbands being the head of the family, it means that he needs to financially provide for his family, if his wife desires to work outside the home instead. Isn’t his staying home with the kids providing for his family, just as it is when the wife stays home?

  9. divinescribble October 17, 2008 at 8:21 am #

    I’d like a clarification on the idea of “working.”
    My husband recently left a great job to stay home with our children and take care of his parents who live with us. I went back to work fulltime.
    We’ve never had the privilege of one of us being home full time, never. He still does “work” occasionally when there is an opportunity for some freelance consulting.

    However, he truly WORKS at home. He keeps the domestic duties rolling, takes care of after school stuff, manages the family calendar ad cooks meals. He is providing for us in ways that are essential to living. He might not provide a huge paycheck, that’s my job. But, without him working at home, we’d be lost.

    I have yet to find a scripture that says a husband must be the sole financial provider for his family. My husband is head of the household and the buck stops with him. That’s leadership and it has nothing to do with finances.

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