I Don’t Know who Buddy Creamens is Really

17 Mar

I don’t know who Buddy Creamens is really and I am totally not just complaining because he has a goatee that has not been is style for five years, but his people might want to hire a new pastor because if this is what he is teaching them he really does not know what the gospel is. Apparently the Bud Man gave people in his church money and told them to multiply it 5 or 10 fold because the church needed a snazy new building and if they did not get it God would cry or something… So anyhoo they gave out the money and posted testimonies to their blog, here is one such testimony:

Hi There! At first I couldn’t come up with anything to creative, but I went and bought a fall basket and filled it with dark green and ivory candles, potpourri, insence sticks and candle holders. I will be selling raffle tickets for it at my work for $3 for one ticiket or $5 for 10 tickets. I plan to do this all week. I hope I at least double the money. I am actually worried about not doing as well as I’d like to, but I dont want God to say NO DEAL to me, I want Him to say WELL DONE. ~Brooke

What the jim dandy frick does any of that mean?  If we do not sell enough God is not going to let us into heaven?  If we do not sell enough God is not going to love us?  If we do not sell enough God is going to make us sit in a room and listen to Tony Jones talk for eternity (that is my own personal version of hell)… But seriously what does that mean?  Is this ladies God named Dick DeVos?  Does she go to the church of Amway?  I know Christians are annoying and I know Amway salesmen are annoying, so I guess it makes sense to combine it into one annoying religion.    Seriously. (with Seth and Amy).

I am going to assume that because they posted it like it was a good thing (instead of the dishearting thing it is) on their website that this is what the church is teaching.  Sad.  So I have a very late response to  Brooke.

Dear Brooke,

I have so good news for you.  You do not measure up.  You are not a good person.  You can never sell enough baskets to please me.  I know that doesn’t sound like good news, but don’t worry it really is.  You see I knew before you were born,  before there was even a planet that you were not going to measure up and I knew you were not a good person, and frankly my sweet,  you could sell fifty gagillion baskets and you still would never be able to make up for how bad you were.  I knew all that Brooke.  I knew it and I took care of it.  Not by setting up a paramid scheme to let you near me,  but by sending my Son to take your punishment.  Don’t worry so much about doing enough,  just worry about loving me and walking with me because I love you.  Brooke, I don’t much get into TV shows with Howie Mandel on them but let me assure you that I have already said “Deal” to you, and I said it 2000 years ago, on a Cross.

Love,

God

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2 Responses to “I Don’t Know who Buddy Creamens is Really”

  1. Seth McBee March 17, 2009 at 12:40 pm #

    David…good post…good return…don’t go into hiding for that long…

    By the way..my favorite line, as if you didn’t already know…

    What the jim dandy frick does any of that mean?

  2. Brianmpei March 24, 2009 at 12:00 pm #

    Pretty sure I saw this in Sunday school when we did the parable of the Talents. Teacher gave us all money and our job was to go out and invest it in some way, bring it all back, all the $$ went to missions.

    Did it miss the point? Um, yes. By a lot.

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