Tag Archives: John Elderidge’s Dog

This Blog and 2 Timothy…

18 Aug

See the thing is that I am not emergent and as such that means I feel bound to treat the writing of Paul as the Inspired, Inerrant (not inherent, I see you there McClaren) word of God…But I was reading in 2 Timothy today and what I read made me wish I was one of those red letter guys who think Paul was just a tad anti-semitic (hey Mars Hill GR Torah Group)…because If I were I would have no guilt but unfortunately I am not and I tend to think that every page of scripture and every word is from Jesus so it kind of throws a wrench in this blog…You see I read this:

2 Timothy 2:25 Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26 and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.

And frankly I have not always done that… leaving open the possibility that some of you will stay bound in the devil’s cage and so without further ado, I would like to apologize to the following and offer some conciliatory statements to the following:

  • Brian McClaren (you seem like a nice guy)
  • Doug Paggit (you are always funny)
  • Tony Jones (you have a very supportive wife)
  • John Elderidge (please don’t shoot me…)
  • James Dobson (You are the King of all media)
  • John Elderidge’s Dog (I am sure you were a good pet)
  • The Hawk who speaks as the Holy Spirit to John Elderidge (Ummm Hawks are as cool as doves)
  • The GARBC (if you take off the “C” and add an “ige” your name is fun to say)
  • That Church in Nashville with the Hula Hoops (I am sure that if I came to your church I would laugh and laugh and laugh…that is good right?)
  • Cara (I totally should not have called you “Some Chick from Berkley”)
  • Benny Hinn (I am sure your followers are smarter than NASCAR fans like I insinuated)
  • NASCAR Fans (You guys have the best collection of commemorative KFC Nascar chicken buckets I have ever seen)
  • China (way to not publicly execute anyone for their faith so far at the Olympics)
  • Brother Frank (your emails changed my life)
  • Ken Silva (you are the Rick Warren of the Internet man…keep up the good work)
  • Hyper-Dispensationist (You guys know how to divide things so well that if I ever need a cow butched or anything I will call you first!)
  • Jennifer Grandholm’s Mole (At least you are not riding around on Kwame Kilpatricks face)
  • Casper and Jim (you guys can keep the money)
  • John Hagee (ummm you are not near as crazy as some people on your channel…)
  • Sanjaya (good luck finding a new life partner)
  • Tim Layhaye (I liked that sex book you and your wife wrote)
  • Rob Bell (congratulations on only having to work less than half the year)
  • That angry girl with a crush on Rob Bell (don’t worry it is totally a metro-sexual age…there are other sensitive guys with frosted hair and bad theology out there)
  • That angry guy with a crush on Rob Bell (see above)
  • California Home School Parents (those ill-fittingly short pants your kids wear make perfect sense in your Climate)
  • Chizuck Schizwanson at Capstone University (Dude you totally rock those turtle necks)
  • Ed Dobson (You might be right maybe a beard is a sign that you are following the Jesus “Lifestyle”….I just hope that my wife does not have to grow one)
  • Natalie V. (What can I say you made a good choice of a husband)


  • Steve Camp (Though I call you names I must confess,  I am no stranger to your angriness)

Ummm I think that is it, I was going to apologise to Daryl Underwood, but like God I changed my mind…If you can think of anyone else I may have calously disregarded please add then in the comments and I will edit the post.