Tag Archives: Rob Bell

Dang Gina

15 Mar


I don’t think Roberto meant to go face to face with someone who didn’t bow to his rockstarness…I mean Bashir got famous interviewing Micheal Jackson, so I guess the Rob was not a huge deal to him.  I am also guessing this was the first time Rob has ever been pushed to answer a question and not been able to call the questioner a big meany.


If Love Wins why all the Drama Queens?

15 Mar

So while watching from the sidelines of the current Rob Bell dust up I noticed an interesting phenomenon.  Rob Bell supporters (Bellites?  Bellions? NoHellBellistians?) argue exactly like my 11 year old daughter.

To whit.

Daughter Argument step 1:  Deny and Define

Daughter: I haaaatttttteeee my brothers

Me: You can’t say that!  Go to your room.

Daughter: whhhhhy

Me: You said you hate you brothers.

Daughter: No I didn’t.

Me: Yes you did, and that is not nice.

Daughter: You have to understand my nuance, what I meant by hate, dear father is that when my brothers behave in a particular way it distresses me to the core of my being and makes me, in the temporal moment, not feel the love for them, which so clearly exists in my deeper being.

Bellposed that would look like this:

Rob Bell Questioner: Rob seems to be questioning some of the historic beliefs of the Christian Church

Bell Supporter: What. No he is not.

Bell Questioner: Did you see his latest video where he said _____________ or read his latest book where he wrote ________________

Bell Supporter: No he didn’t

Bell Quesitoner: Yes he did look here__________________________

Bell Supporter: Oh dear friend if only you we as enlightened as Rob you would see that what he really meant when he said ______________ was that ________________ and ____________________.

Which leads to phase two:

Daughter Argument step 2:  The Big Meany Argument (Oooohhh how terrible it is to be misunderstood)

Me: That is not what you meant, and either why it does not matter because that is not what you said.

Daughter: YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!!! (insert 11 year of girl wailing here) No one understands. No one loves me.

Me: We do love you, but you need to realize that words have meanings and you need to show self control.

Daughter: You are so mean.  So so mean. Sob. You. Sob. are. Sob. So. Sob. Mean.

In the Bell world:

Quesitoner: I am not sure, he really does seem to be saying _____________________

Supporter: Oh you are one of those, I bet you have never even met Rob Bell, I bet you never even went to church at Mars Hill, I bet you a not even blood related or currently married to Rob Bell…and if you are not how can you even suggest such evil things.

Questioner: Um, I am just saying I am not sure that what he is saying is Biblical.

Supporter: YOU JUST DON”T LOVE JESUS  (insert college age fan boy wailing here).  NO one understands.  They didn’t even take the time to raise a child with Rob Bell!  No one else loves Jesus.

Questioner: I am just asking a question why is that so bad?

Supporter: You are so mean.  So so mean. Sob. You. Sob. are. Sob. So. Sob. Mean.

Step three: They Started it/ I Was Acting in Justice

Daughter: We would not even be in this situation if they had not started it.

Me: It does not matter who started it, you can not just say things like that

Daughter: I told you he started it.  He is a little brat, you should have raised him better.  You let him get away with everything.

Me. He is an infant.

Daughter: That is always his excuse.  I don’t care if he is not old enough to hold his own head up..he should not have looked at me that way!


Questioner: It seems like you get very worked up in these conversations, if what he is saying can stand the test why not discuss it clearly.

Supporter: OH I GET WORKED UP! I GET WORKED UP!!!!!! This is all John Pipers fault. He started it. I would like to kick that dude in the face.

Questioner: Ummm you want to kick a 63 year old man in the face?

Supporter: I wouldn’t care if he could not hold his own head up…he should not have used the Bible against Rob that way…

Step Four:  I am Sorry you are so Wrong, Lets agree to disagree

Me: You will have to stay in your room until you are ready to aologise to your baby brother.

Daughter: I am sorry that he looked at me like that.

Me: Truely apologise

Daughter: I am sorry he is such a brat

Me: Seriously, stop being mean.

Daughter: I am not being mean, I am sorry you see it that way.


Questioner: So you have no problem with the fact the he said __________________ or ______________ or ________________________

Supporter: I’m sorry I am not a judgmental as you.

Questioner: I am not judging, just trying to have a conversation, seriously it does not bother you?

Supporter: I am waiting to draw any conclusions.

Questioner: Waiting for what?

Supporter: Waiting for Rob to say clearly what he believes.

Questioner: Seriously, don’t you think his “questions” point to some sort of belief?

Supporter: Wow. I’m sorry you feel the need to judge like that.

Questioner: ummmmm

Supporter: OK, you are an idiot who knows nothing, lets just agree to disagree (insert smiley face)

My point here I guess is that whether with my daughter or with an adult this method of fighting annoys me…I don’t want to agree to disagree under these terms. I feel like the terms are dishonest, because at the end of the day any questioner is being asked by agreeing to disagree to assent to the idea that RB’s ideas are acceptably evangelical. I can not agree to that.  If in fact any supporter wants to say that these ideas fall outside of evangelical orthodoxy then we are on honest grounds and I would be happy to “agree to disagree.”  But even in agreeing to disagree that does not preclude honest and rigorous discussion which it seems to me is what the RB Posse hates more than anything.

“Love Wins” Sticker not what it once was…

14 Mar

I would love to think that this morning or some morning soon,  there will be hundreds of Marshill-ites out side furiously scraping the “Love Wins” stickers of their cars…because just as he has often done with orthodoxy Rob Bell has snuck in and redefined its meaning.

As a native Grand Rapidian I see those stickers all the time,  and I know that their owner is most likely white, solidly middle class and formerly from a traditional evangelical church (most likely some terrible, dead CRC or fundemenatlist Baptist church, which this town is full of).   These people have always made up the dwindling core of MHBC and if you are from here you can understand why they would be looking for a young, exciting charismatic leader who told them that there was something beyond dead orthodoxy.   And so in droves they left their dead congregations in search of a more living faith.  However I suspect that most of them at the time had a problem with dead orthodoxy not orthodoxy in general.

So I wonder, if now, on the day after an all church meeting where Rob Bell visited town to explain the key themes in his new book if many of them feel slighted and upset and none too happy that they have a tiny billboard for aberrant theology stuck to the back of their Escalades.

I also wonder if the next MHBC sticker bomb will be “Hell: No!”

This Blog and 2 Timothy…

18 Aug

See the thing is that I am not emergent and as such that means I feel bound to treat the writing of Paul as the Inspired, Inerrant (not inherent, I see you there McClaren) word of God…But I was reading in 2 Timothy today and what I read made me wish I was one of those red letter guys who think Paul was just a tad anti-semitic (hey Mars Hill GR Torah Group)…because If I were I would have no guilt but unfortunately I am not and I tend to think that every page of scripture and every word is from Jesus so it kind of throws a wrench in this blog…You see I read this:

2 Timothy 2:25 Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26 and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.

And frankly I have not always done that… leaving open the possibility that some of you will stay bound in the devil’s cage and so without further ado, I would like to apologize to the following and offer some conciliatory statements to the following:

  • Brian McClaren (you seem like a nice guy)
  • Doug Paggit (you are always funny)
  • Tony Jones (you have a very supportive wife)
  • John Elderidge (please don’t shoot me…)
  • James Dobson (You are the King of all media)
  • John Elderidge’s Dog (I am sure you were a good pet)
  • The Hawk who speaks as the Holy Spirit to John Elderidge (Ummm Hawks are as cool as doves)
  • The GARBC (if you take off the “C” and add an “ige” your name is fun to say)
  • That Church in Nashville with the Hula Hoops (I am sure that if I came to your church I would laugh and laugh and laugh…that is good right?)
  • Cara (I totally should not have called you “Some Chick from Berkley”)
  • Benny Hinn (I am sure your followers are smarter than NASCAR fans like I insinuated)
  • NASCAR Fans (You guys have the best collection of commemorative KFC Nascar chicken buckets I have ever seen)
  • China (way to not publicly execute anyone for their faith so far at the Olympics)
  • Brother Frank (your emails changed my life)
  • Ken Silva (you are the Rick Warren of the Internet man…keep up the good work)
  • Hyper-Dispensationist (You guys know how to divide things so well that if I ever need a cow butched or anything I will call you first!)
  • Jennifer Grandholm’s Mole (At least you are not riding around on Kwame Kilpatricks face)
  • Casper and Jim (you guys can keep the money)
  • John Hagee (ummm you are not near as crazy as some people on your channel…)
  • Sanjaya (good luck finding a new life partner)
  • Tim Layhaye (I liked that sex book you and your wife wrote)
  • Rob Bell (congratulations on only having to work less than half the year)
  • That angry girl with a crush on Rob Bell (don’t worry it is totally a metro-sexual age…there are other sensitive guys with frosted hair and bad theology out there)
  • That angry guy with a crush on Rob Bell (see above)
  • California Home School Parents (those ill-fittingly short pants your kids wear make perfect sense in your Climate)
  • Chizuck Schizwanson at Capstone University (Dude you totally rock those turtle necks)
  • Ed Dobson (You might be right maybe a beard is a sign that you are following the Jesus “Lifestyle”….I just hope that my wife does not have to grow one)
  • Natalie V. (What can I say you made a good choice of a husband)


  • Steve Camp (Though I call you names I must confess,  I am no stranger to your angriness)

Ummm I think that is it, I was going to apologise to Daryl Underwood, but like God I changed my mind…If you can think of anyone else I may have calously disregarded please add then in the comments and I will edit the post.